Frankenstein Created Bikers is a hell of a drug. After one viewing it has become my go-to for bloodthirsty Bigfoots, reverse births, kitties with titties, and incestuous skullfugging.
If your interest isn’t piqued, then skee-daddle. This review isn’t for you. But share it with your much cooler, smarter, and more attractive brother, because he has good taste.
So what exactly is Frankenstein Created Bikers? It’s a salad of exploitation, fast dialogue, and excess. A grindhouse throwback that would make the eyes of the 70’s glisten with pride. We have Kickstarter to thank for another successfully funded genre gem.
Re-animated bikers that require a drug made by a mad scientist in order to keep living are hunting down some Bigfoots, which end up being metamorphosized people (I think). They kidnap a naked woman in the process. A squat, perverted, Colonel Sanders looking Austrian dude is in charge of everything for some reason, and the mad doctor wants to find a body for the reanimated head of his ungrateful daughter. The naked woman hangs out in a dungeon, hoping to escape, and encounters both the squat Austrian who wants to make her an immortal sex slave, and a crazy woman who wants to show off her fetus baby to her before cramming it back inside of her (Yes, you read that correctly). A leather-clad bombshell in an eyepatch goes on a revenge journey with a cast of characters to include topless, big breasted women in kitten masks and a chainsaw wielding preacher. A couple of the hippie bikers begin an existential journey deciding whether it’s better to live as undead or to try killing themselves, especially after all the harm they caused while alive. I think I’ve laid enough foundation for you to decide whether or not you want to see this movie.
Natural comparisons exist between Frankenstein Created Bikers and the likes of Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez’s grindhouse films and especially its spinoffs Hobo With a Shotgun and Machete. FCB is much more farcical than Hobo With a Shotgun, but not as blatantly so as Machete. It hits that sweet spot in-between.
The dialogue is churning with wordplay and innuendo, all coming at the viewer rapid-fire in a bevy of different accents, which can be as overwhelming as it is satisfying (“Ain’t that a kick in the shit-maker?”). Luckily the sound was pitch-perfect unlike some other crowd-funded projects. This feels like it could have been funded by a big studio as far as the quality of picture and sound is concerned. The delivery of said dialogue is usually appropriately bad. The acting is right where it should be.
Decapitations and explosions are frequent. It’s bloody, with some great effects. Bigfoot presses a biker’s face into holding cell bars so hard that his face rips away in a spectacular moment of gore. Are you hitting play yet? Why aren’t you watching this already? If I still haven’t convinced you to see this movie, then “you stink like a barrel of smashed assholes.”
Ultimately, Frankenstein Created Bikers is a great grindhouse cinema tribute, as much a love-letter to the genre as it is a send-up. Watch it with friends while pounding PBR and Schlitz for a memorable night.
Stay slime, and be rad at all times!