Let Me Watch that for You: Pitchfork


Directed By: Glenn Douglas Packard
Written By: Darryl F. Gariglio and Gleen Douglas Packard
Released:  January 13, 2017
Runtime: 94 Minutes
Watch this on: Amazon Prime

Pitchfork is a 2017 American slasher movie that brings us to the farmlands of Michigan where Hunter and his group of friends from New York City arrive at his family’s farm for a weekend of partying. There’s more to this slice of country than barn dances and hoedowns however – like a deformed killer with a pitchfork for a hand.

Yes, you read that correctly, this movie is called Pitchfork because the killer has a pitchfork… for a hand. This movie follows a pretty standard slasher plot except you just trade out a forest or campground for farmlands. The writing is pretty bad, and the kids do their best to squeeze in as many farm stereotypes as they can. Pretty soon we are thrown into a full-scale barn rave! Complete with a DJ, an Amish guy, and a choreographed line dance number. Then he shows up(by “he” I mean Pitchfork). He’s a tall, lanky, shirtless hillbilly that actually has a pitchfork for his forearm/hand. That pitchfork changes throughout the movie – sometimes it looks like a metal pitchfork and sometimes it looks more organic, like bones… or something. Pitchfork also wears some sort of animal fur over his face, and has a penchant for shouting and licking his victims face. (If this hasn’t won you over yet, it’s not going to!) The blood and gore flies, and the kills are abundant, even if they aren’t all the most creative. The movie stays the typical slasher course until the last 20 min-or-so when it really takes an odd turn, and for some reason things take on kind of a sleazy pervy tone which I could have lived without.

As much as I shouldn’t, I do recommend this movie. Give this a watch if you wanna see a wacky, pseudo-original slasher, a tall shirtless hillbilly with a pitchfork hand, or a man yell “Take two and call me in the morning mother fucker!” before jamming two knives into the sides of another man’s head.

Grade: 5/10

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