Schlock & Gore: Crackbaby Billionaire (2017) (NSFW!)

This isn’t Million Dollar Baby. This is Billion Dollar Crackbaby.


While preparing to interview filmmaker John Miller for this blog, I was presented with a link to his most recent film. That film ended up being Crackbaby Billionaire.

The link wasn’t working too well at first. On my initial viewing attempt, Crackbaby Billionaire stopped playing at the halfway point. I tried again the next day to the same effect. As I hadn’t seen anything gruesome up to that point, I almost didn’t make a third attempt. Excited Instagram posts about Crackbaby Billionaire from trusted trash film aficionados swayed me. I’m really glad I made that third attempt. What starts off as a goofy crime drama spirals into a psychotic, darkly comic, gore-glazed trash flick.


Oh right, what’s it about? Well, John Miller’s self-proclaimed “ghetto wigger film” follows ex-inmate, Corey “Beatdown” Brown (played by rapper/actor Eigh8t the Chosen One). After serving his time in the chokey, he tries to go straight, but as these things tend to go, money dwindles and pressure mounds, pulling him back in. This time, however, he’s going to be smart about it.

Convincing a friend to let him enter an unsanctioned backyard death fight, Corey goes out and proves he’s worthy of his nickname. (it’s at this point that the sole cartoony punch sound effect starts to become especially hilarious). He takes his earnings from the fight and invests it in equipment he uses to create the best counterfeit money the town has ever seen, and it is from this that he builds his empire.


What follows is basically dinner conversation: shiny grills, beheadings, satanic rituals, ex dead-head santa cops, disembowelment, cannibalism, penis mutilation, forced earthworm consumption, diarrhea, forced diarrhea consumption, and the like.


Hey, Slipknot. Can I have your autograph?


What’s a little castration between friends?

The gore (in all its visceral glory) was really saved for the second half, and for those patient enough to get there, it really pays off in spades. I mean, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Miller really knows his limits. He didnt attempt that which he was not capable of. The filmmaking is straightforward with no fancy camera tricks. No Paul Thomas Anderson whip-pans, No Alejandro Iñárritu long tracking shots, no excessive zoom. He made this movie according to his own recipe and nobody else’s.

But maybe he borrowed the ingredients from Satan.

Crackbaby Billionaire has its shortcomings, as low-budget affairs with minimal crews tend to have, but none of that really feels worth mentioning. It’s just a good time with odd characters, no doubt played by odd people, in a quasi-music video stew of blood, guts, and gold teeth.

This is me when I drink PBR.

Rating this film is a bitch. I personally would have liked a bit more insanity in the first half of the film, but that’s because I’m greedy. I’m Gonna give Crackbaby Billionaire a strong–

6/10. Does not suck.

Stay slime, and be rad at all times!

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