Spook du jour

Director: Beverly Sebastian
Runtime: 93 mins.

Maybe I should drink more. There are some great seasonal ales in the shops right now. Pumpkin drinks and the like. Or, perhaps I should have something harder. Bottom shelf. Old Crow or Cutty Sark. Or, I could go all Hunter S. Thompson on some Wild Turkey or pull a Dylan Thomas and put back 18 straight whiskeys and call it a night. That’s what’s done by people who hate themselves, and I must fucking hate myself if I sat through the entirety of Rocktober Blood.

Billy Eye records his vocal track with zeal.
“When you least expect it I will attack”
That doesn’t sound the least bit like foreshadowing!
“There’ll be hell to pay— I’m back”

*takes a shot*

He then kills some people, gets arrested, aaaand executed. That’s the end of Billy. It’s about as exciting as I made it sound. But he makes crank calls to the new singer of the band from beyond the grave, saying things like “I want your hot, steaming pussy blood all over my face.”

*finishes drink*

I honestly don’t have too much to say about Rocktober Blood. It didn’t deliver on its promise to feel all Halloweeny. Sometimes in life, you just get a stinker. The picture quality on the DVD I watched was horrendous. Not that a clearer transfer would have improved matters.

One moment was almost on to something. Protagonist “Rainbow Eyes” Lynn is running through the woods from an unseen attacker while backmasked metal is playing. I’m unsure if it was supposed to be the soundtrack, or if she was hearing it as well. If we could alter this scene to take place at night, and actually show the masked killer stalking her, it would be a classic scene. As such, it only exists as squandered potential.

*lights shot on fire, forgets to blow it out, sets whole throat aflame*

So Billy is back but nobody believes Rainbow Eyes. They all think she is just being paranoid and hysterical. It’s frustrating to watch. Especially after digging up his grave and finding a skeleton in his casket. Rainbow Eyes refuses to believe what is right in front of her. But she should, because as it turns out, Billy Eye is actually someone named John?? A twin of Billy’s who also has a penchant for murdering shit?? I’m not too sure what happened here to be honest, I kinda fell asleep. At any rate everything culminates on stage during a show and the killer gets up there and sings his songs and kills people with his mic stand sword. Sounds entertaining right? It isn’t!

*Slams bottle of Everclear and dies*

Movies that are similar in spirit or idea to Rocktober Blood but are better

1. Shock ‘Em Dead
2. Black Roses
3. Trick or Treat
4. Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare
5. Hard Rock Zombies

I highly recommend this movie to my enemies.

2/10

Stay slime, and be rad at all times!
-Rat