Schlock & Gore: Premutos (1997)

Axes. Chainsaws. Exploding heads…

This time last year I was reviewing the Andreas Schnaas gorefest, Violent Shit 3. This year I’m covering an Olaf Ittenbach joint. There must be something about April that has me cuckoo for GoreGore Puffs. Maybe Easter is just too wholesome and my instincts crave balance. Or maybe I’m touched in the head. Whatever the case, here we are.  April Sanguine showers bring May flowers…

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Pictured: a delicate flower.

Premutos: The Fallen Angel (to use the full title) feels like a holy grail. Upon viewing, I had that “where-have-you-been-all-my-life” feeling. This film is TWENTY years old and I’ve just been living life without it? What the FLIP, man!? There has been a crosseyed corpse and a staggering body count just waiting for me to come lick it up. There has been a hilarious soccer game resulting in genital trauma that causes visions of the past. There has been an awkward house party that turns into a seemingly endless barrage of bullets blasted into a plague of ghouls. It’s all been here, for TWENTY years without my knowledge, and I blame you personally for not telling me.

Allow me to catch my breath—

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*inhale*

 

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*EXHALE*

The best way I can summarize this plot is by *ahem* “borrowing” the description from Wikipedia:

“The film follows the carnage that ensues when a man accidentally resurrects Premutos, an evil fallen angel who takes over his body and then proceeds to summon an army of the living dead to do his bidding.”

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There’s never a dull moment here. A good portion of Premutos occurs in flashbacks to different eras, where wars were raging and witches were being burned. All the while Ittenbach pounces on every opportunity to showcase his practical FX by sending body parts flying or being blown apart. And if there aren’t guts flying, there’s a laugh happening. As gruesome as Premutos is, it’s also highly comedic, which adds a good deal of levity and keeps the film from ever feeling too mean.

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LOLOLOLOLOOOOOL

Now I’m going to take a moment to brainstorm some alternate titles for Premutos: The Fallen Angel:
Splatter Holocaust
-The German Birthday Massacre
-Fuck My Life
-Maimed By An Angel
-Scheisse Sangre
-My Big Fat Geek Boner

So what if the dubbing was done through a tin can! So what if the acting is lackluster and the guns never run out of bullets! Grab a Pabst and Premutos your ass off because it’s about as entertaining as it gets. Oh, and about that body count I mentioned earlier…

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This is literally the last frame of the movie.

139/10

Stay slime, and be rad at all times

-Elliot “Rat” Ross

 

 

 


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