Schlock & Gore: Road Meat (1988)

directed by Bill Bragg
runtime: 70 mins

“Would you like cheese with that?”
“Just the coffees, thanks.”
Being an incompetent drive-through attendant gets you killed. So does being a loquacious hitchhiker, a loutish litterbug, and a radical religious zealot.
Honeymooners Nick and Vick are having none of it as they exit a church to operatic Cascio rock that brings to mind the rise of power of the iron fist in an Orwellian futurescape. While dystopia isn’t on the menu for Road Meat, that doesn’t stop the honeymooners from running over a fat man in their “Just Married” mobile and turning him into, well, you guessed it…
They pick up a claw-handed, alien-jabbering hitchhiker. Slamming on their brakes his claw goes into his own face, killing him. The honeymooners bury him, crack jokes, and play in the wilderness. Think Natural Born Killers, except you won’t want to slit your wrists afterwards. Or like a Bonnie and Clyde adaptation as imagined by Charles Band or the Chiodo brothers. Maybe it’s morbid to laugh at death, but for my meat, it’s all good in the catharsis of fiction.
I left the stove on (my face) again!

We now interrupt this review to bring you a special news bulletin!

Calliope Modem is a completely normal teenager who is obsessed with cheap splatter flicks like Zombie Face Feast and Invasion of the Blood Snatchers. What does this have to do with ‘Road Meat’? I’m not sure, but they put it in the movie!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled review.
Road Meat has its own built-in brands. Distraction News is seen on television, and Doctor’s Fried Chicken runs commercials. It adds an unnecessary, albeit appreciated, layer of depth, and it’s truly surprising to me given the obvious thought and effort that went into Road Meat, that it doesn’t have an imdb listing! No listing on Letterboxd either for that matter! This is one rare slice of cinema. The only place I know of where you can get your hands on a Road Meat DVD is Toxic Filth Video, and quantities are EXTREMELY limited, so do yourself a favor and go there now. Okay well not now, but once you’re done reading the rest of this.
Shish-ka-zealot! Delicious with tzatziki sauce!
There is a bit of surreal goofiness in Road Meat as you might imagine. Like a woman carrying a baby asking the viewer if they’ve seen her dolly. Or another woman that claims to be possessed by Elvis. Her lines are dubbed over by a more Elvis sounding voice, but her voice can still clearly be heard underneath. This is the kind of stuff you’ll only see in these lost, low-budget, superstars of schlock. This movie is a fucking blast. So join Nick and Vick on oft-overlooked killing spree for the ages!
This review has been brought to you in part by Doctor’s Fried Chicken’s NEW Deep-Fried Catfish Sundae!
Stay slime, and be rad at all times!

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