Those damn rip-off happy Italians are at it again! The stupendous flop that was Dino De Laurentiis’ King Kong is drenched in spaghetti sauce and served to an audience of (what I assume was) near catatonic beard fetishists. Access to a green screen and a couple oil drums full of cocaine helped to solve any concerns the creative minds behind the film may have had. The final product manages to entertain more than the nearly unwatchable ’76 Kong but it in no way resembles what film critics would call “good cinema”. Luckily, we’re not here for “good cinema”.
Off the coast of Newfoundland one of the most important scientific finds in the history of planet earth has just revealed itself. An enormous hunk of ice has encased something big and not seen in the world for a million years. Discovered by his mute grandson, Herbie, (he lost his ability to talk after his parents died in a helicopter accident) industrial magnate Morgan Hunnicut is already seeing dollar signs. He fully intends to trademark whatever the hell is residing in the hunk of ice and make it the face of his company. He enlists the help of his old friend, Professor Wassermann, to figure out what the creature is. In short order, the professor learns the unknown behemoth is a yeti and ,better yet, he may be able to revitalize it with a little luck and a whole bunch of bullshit science.
A giant caged shower is constructed and attached to a helicopter. This helicopter is flown up to a point where the atmospheric pressure is the same as the Yeti’s home in the Himalayas and then the hairy beast is drenched in warm water and given electroshock. Sure as shit, the yeti wakes up very confused and pretty pissed off. The yeti (who I could see easily being confused for a giant, prehistoric Barry Gibb) causes panic among the huddled group of scientists, reporters and Hunnicut’s smarmy man on the ground (king of the smarms Tony Kendall). The towering hairball runs off with Hunnicut’s grandson and his granddaughter Jane. An accidental nipple rub gets some big smiles from the hairy colossus and he begins to develop feelings for Jane (can’t really blame him there, Antonella Interlenghi is gorgeous and nothing says love like a little nipple play).
A relationship forms between the once angry yeti and the youngsters and he becomes much easier to control. Mr. Hunnicut’s gamble pays off and soon the world is gripped with yeti fever. Mr. Popular even gets his own song and it is a fucking doozy. It’s a weird disco-funk number set to Oh Fortuna and will melt your brain right out of your ears. Anyways, a rival corporation comes into play and a little subterfuge manages to turn things to shit. It’s not just the shenanigans of the money hungry rival though, turns out the yeti is a bit temperamental and is set off to fits of rage at the slightest of inclination (it’s a King Kong rip-off so flash bulbs are a big no no). This leads to him running rampant in Toronto and getting injured saving Jane from a destroyed elevator in a skyscraper scene that is pure crap gold. Trust me. The evil bastards after the destruction of Hunnicut’s business make themselves known and we’re on the fast track for kidnapping, tree throwing and comeuppance.
Yeti: Giant of the 20th Century is beyond dumb. Horrendous SFX work is complimented by some of the worst face acting my eyes have ever beheld. The fact that the filmmakers wanted to ride the coattails of a huge Hollywood bomb is a dead giveaway at just how lost every aspect of this film is. It slogs in many parts but oh holy hell when it delivers the stupidity, it delivers in spades. Hair combing with giant fish bones, window kicking with giant yeti feet and that damn yeti song will either elevate you to trash film nirvana or break you like an apartment window on the receiving end of a yeti kick. I’m still floating. 7/10