Schlock & Gore: Lady Street Fighter

directed by James Bryan
runtime: 73 mins

Before Don’t Go in the Woods…
Before Frozen Scream…
There was a film that ensured I never look at celery the same way again…
That film…
Is Lady Street Fighter.

49338569-2B32-436A-B155-600F47544F1C

“She makes the good guys happy, she makes the bad guys bleed! She gives good Kung-Fu” reads the VHS box. Lady Street Fighter is the film that brought together two of independent cinema’s most infamous exploitation mavericks: Renee Harmon and James Bryan.  While their most infamous movies would later happen independently of each other, Harmon and Bryan would go on to make a total of five movies together including The Executioner Part II, Hell Riders, Run Coyote Run, Jungle Trap, and this fine film right here, which Harmon wrote, produced, and starred in. Not a one of these flicks isn’t completely and utterly confounding, which is damn impressive if you ask me. But enough history, let’s get to the good stuff.

EA74147F-AC99-4050-B0C7-D9EF6EE1A4C8
She gives good kung-fu

Renee Harmon plays Linda Allen. After her twin sister’s tits get cut off in a CLASSIC mixup, Linda seeks revenge. Through the licking, sucking, and deepthroating of celery, Linda seduces her targets. Linda is trying to take down a dirty FBI agent that looks like Jim Henson, but she has to make love to him first? And there’s a pimp I think? I’ll be honest, I have no idea what the hell was going on in this movie, but that’s what I love about it.

CF481958-1570-4CBA-B651-6C63B9B75CAC
Muppets get you so laid.

Renee Harmon’s line delivery plays games with my heart. She blurts “Shut up and talk!” in her thick, German gurgle. She lays around her shocking yellow bedroom in lace lounge-wear licking the telephone receiver. She wears gold lamé femme fatale suits and dresses that leave little to the imagination, all the while fending off the hitmen that work for a group that discreetly calls itself Assassin’s Incorporated.

9E093F87-818F-4249-B327-79C530DBD9A4
I’m all out of celery.

Lem, a hitman that looks like Tom Savini, shoots a mentally handicapped girl in the ass. That HAPPENS. Lem is played by Trace Carradine. Trace Carradine is a COMPLETELY MADE UP Carradine brother concocted by James Bryan in order to sell the movie. You gotta love Hollywood in the 70’s.

52633177-1D27-4654-A66C-9FE6FFF8B65E
My life is a lie!

Linda straight-up murders people, and smiles while she does it, so our heroine isn’t necessarily on one side of the law or another, but without her vigilantism, we wouldn’t get that wonderful shot of the burning man giving Linda the finger before presumably turning to ash.

0A470925-E47B-4DEE-BE50-0E96A3001DE4

C7343661-9E99-47F1-AD33-5B1C9E8445A5
There’s a kink party that also doubles as a toga party that is one of the more absurd things you’ll ever see on screen.

Through the foot fetishism, the car chases, the abundance of big, floppy breasts, and the doodoo choreography, Lady Street Fighter is still as anticlimactic as they come, as it just kind of ends after 73 minutes of playing around.  Ultimately, I can’t say I mind.

27212381-99A0-4137-A9F3-CB3CED286581
Pick me up at DiabolikDVD.com or amazon!

AGFA continues their perfect track record with this hum-dinger of a bluray. Not only did they beautifully restore a print that previously looked orange, but they included the sequel, Revenge of Lady Street Fighter, previously only released in South Korea. Revenge is just Lady Street Fighter, re-cut, with 20 minutes of additional footage shot as a wraparound, and may be even more baffling than LSF. They also included some fun “Street Fightin'” trailers from the AGFA vaults, and a commentary where AGFA’s own Joe Ziemba pulls bizarre stories out of director James Bryan. It’s a 10/10 bluray for a 3/10 movie. Praise be to AGFA!

Stay slime, and be rad at all times!

-Rat

P.S. Am I the only one that things Lady Street Fighter/Ninja III: The Domination would make an amazing double feature? One has the celery, the other has the V8. A perfect night of ass-kicking and Bloody Mary’s!
Lady Street Fighter will be released August 14th, 2018, and can be purchased from DiabolikDVD.com and Amazon.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s