directed by James Bryan
runtime: 73 mins
Before Don’t Go in the Woods…
Before Frozen Scream…
There was a film that ensured I never look at celery the same way again…
Is Lady Street Fighter.
“She makes the good guys happy, she makes the bad guys bleed! She gives good Kung-Fu” reads the VHS box. Lady Street Fighter is the film that brought together two of independent cinema’s most infamous exploitation mavericks: Renee Harmon and James Bryan. While their most infamous movies would later happen independently of each other, Harmon and Bryan would go on to make a total of five movies together including The Executioner Part II, Hell Riders, Run Coyote Run, Jungle Trap, and this fine film right here, which Harmon wrote, produced, and starred in. Not a one of these flicks isn’t completely and utterly confounding, which is damn impressive if you ask me. But enough history, let’s get to the good stuff.
Renee Harmon plays Linda Allen. After her twin sister’s tits get cut off in a CLASSIC mixup, Linda seeks revenge. Through the licking, sucking, and deepthroating of celery, Linda seduces her targets. Linda is trying to take down a dirty FBI agent that looks like Jim Henson, but she has to make love to him first? And there’s a pimp I think? I’ll be honest, I have no idea what the hell was going on in this movie, but that’s what I love about it.
Renee Harmon’s line delivery plays games with my heart. She blurts “Shut up and talk!” in her thick, German gurgle. She lays around her shocking yellow bedroom in lace lounge-wear licking the telephone receiver. She wears gold lamé femme fatale suits and dresses that leave little to the imagination, all the while fending off the hitmen that work for a group that discreetly calls itself Assassin’s Incorporated.
Lem, a hitman that looks like Tom Savini, shoots a mentally handicapped girl in the ass. That HAPPENS. Lem is played by Trace Carradine. Trace Carradine is a COMPLETELY MADE UP Carradine brother concocted by James Bryan in order to sell the movie. You gotta love Hollywood in the 70’s.
Linda straight-up murders people, and smiles while she does it, so our heroine isn’t necessarily on one side of the law or another, but without her vigilantism, we wouldn’t get that wonderful shot of the burning man giving Linda the finger before presumably turning to ash.
There’s a kink party that also doubles as a toga party that is one of the more absurd things you’ll ever see on screen.
Through the foot fetishism, the car chases, the abundance of big, floppy breasts, and the doodoo choreography, Lady Street Fighter is still as anticlimactic as they come, as it just kind of ends after 73 minutes of playing around. Ultimately, I can’t say I mind.
AGFA continues their perfect track record with this hum-dinger of a bluray. Not only did they beautifully restore a print that previously looked orange, but they included the sequel, Revenge of Lady Street Fighter, previously only released in South Korea. Revenge is just Lady Street Fighter, re-cut, with 20 minutes of additional footage shot as a wraparound, and may be even more baffling than LSF. They also included some fun “Street Fightin'” trailers from the AGFA vaults, and a commentary where AGFA’s own Joe Ziemba pulls bizarre stories out of director James Bryan. It’s a 10/10 bluray for a 3/10 movie. Praise be to AGFA!
Stay slime, and be rad at all times!