“I want to make love.”
“Ok. Sounds groovy.”
It turns out Sasquatch and hardcore pornography does not make for a good mix. I know. I’m just as shocked as you are.
Six youngish folks journey into the wild to find and photograph the legendary Sasquatch (or as they call it, The Geek). We are privy to this information because a narrator has just dumped it into our lap before making an exit and never returning to grace our ears with his ramblings. The three couples journey off on their own in brief intervals to have some stomach churning sex which our lucky asses are allowed to watch in all its non airbrushed glory.
They eventually finish up (on their significant others) and get back to hunting that elusive Bigfoot. If your eyeballs are still functioning after the onscreen onslaught of hairy genitals and sex that definitely should have been protected, then you’ll view one poor excuse for a Sasquatch make his less than grand entrance.
Unlike most cinematic Sasquatch we’ve encountered, this one has his penis hanging out of his torn hairy pants. We’re not supposed to know they’re pants but the obvious tears are a dead giveaway for us eagle eyed viewers. Our beloved team of winners decide the best course of action is to send one female from their group to go and greet the big hairy pervert. It goes just about as well as you’d expect. He takes her from behind as her group of friends watch in fascination. She seems to be enjoying it so I guess her colleagues will be able to sleep at night knowing they let a yet to be catalogued creature have his way with their friend. There’s a few more minutes left in the film but by this point I was flushing my eyes out with bleach and attempting to keep my beer from being thrown up all over my freshly vacuumed carpet.
With the arousal index at about the same level of coming across a snuff film starring your favorite family member, The Geek does not titillate on any level. The shoddy ass Bigfoot doesn’t make his way onto the screen till nearly 45 minutes into the 55 minute film, so it fails as weirdo creature feature as well. Now, as a bizarro sex flick featuring a cryptid as a reason to get people out into nature to bone…well, yeah, that’s the film. It’s hard to rate an early seventies porn flick on any level I’m used to but I found myself more bored than anything else. There are a few moments of blissful stupidity but hardly enough to justify anything outside of one curious viewing. 4/10