Schlock & Gore: Bloodstream (1985)

directed by Michael J. Murphy
runtime: 76 mins
Toxic Filth Video

 

“My dear, you’re eating your husband’s ass!”

THIS is what I live for. My neck was hurting for three straight days but then I saw Bloodstream and I instantly felt better.  I fell into crippling debt, but then I saw the sensational super-8 movie Bloodstream and won the lottery. I slapped my boss across the face with an electric eel and made him piss himself, but then I saw the delightfully British Bloodstream, and not only was I forgiven, but I was given a promotion and a raise.

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Cool.

 

Alistair Bailey is a movie director. He is proud of his new horror movie, Bloodstream, because it kicks ass, but producer William King terminates his contract, calling the film rubbish and claiming that it won’t even sell to the curry crowd.

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Well as it turns out,  Bill King is a bastard and plans to sell the film overseas for a ton of money without giving Bailey one cent. This doesn’t make a lot of sense, because if Bailey’s film was good, wouldn’t King want him making more films for the company? And isn’t it possible that Bailey would find out that his film has been distributed overseas and then sue the mustache off of King? So not only is King a sleazy bastard, but also an idiot I guess. The name of the game here is don’t worry about it and just enjoy the show, which is something I have no problem doing.

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Just smile and nod

 

Alistair Bailey falls into a depression and stays cooped up at home watching shitty horror films (my man!). We see many clips from many different films featuring cannibalism, mummies, vampires, and the like, which I believe are clips from Michael J. Murphy’s other films, or possibly shorts or unfinished works.  Many may see this as hornswagglin’ filler. Those people are the soggiest of blankets. Those clips are fun and hilarious. Fight me. Don’t @ me. #bitchass

Billy King’s secretary, Nikki, has news for Alistair Bailey. She tells him King’s plans and instigates revenge. Her motives are suspicious. She gives Alistair a sample of her punani, and then withholds it from him until after his revenge is complete. It must be some transcendent bearded clam, because his revenge involves dressing up as the killer from his movie and filming the murders of those closest to King. He sabotages a workout, kills with an electric knife, and even sets a fucking dog on fire, creating a new snuff film in the process.

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Burn, Fido, burn.

The quality of Bloodstream isn’t great. The audio is shitty, and sometimes you can see the tops of the sets, but it looks nice anyway and is filled with so much fun that you probably won’t care (if you’re anything like me). Films within films tickle my fancy more than a good wizard sleeve on a rainy afternoon, and Michael J. Murphy delivers the goods. I mean, I was homeless, but then I watched Bloodstream and inherited a castle from a relative I didn’t even know I had.

I recommend Bloodstream to any disgruntled employee, anyone who has ever been wronged, or anyone that eats this shit up like a nice hot plate of curry and naan. Pick up a copy over at Toxic Filth Video.

8/10

Stay slime, and be rad at all times!
-Rat


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