The Merits of Sin: Massacre Up North (2001) (Canada)

It’s SOVember and I couldn’t be happier! It’s a magical time of the year filled with enthusiasm and a general lack of talent and money. It produces trash classics and complete confusion. So come along and join that Reelest of Rats and I as we go digging through the cavernous trash heap that is SOV cinema! This Canadian shot SOV flick knows the way to my heart. It opens up with a couple in the middle of a good old fashioned car boning session getting their naked asses murdered by someone decked out in knights armor. Already in love, I coasted through the rest of the film with a big old grin on my stupid face. Unbeknownst to me, things were about to get better.

Welcome to trash horror heaven

A family camping trip takes a turn for the worse when a tragic kebab accident horribly burns a young boy. Go back and read that again. Yes. A tragic kebab accident is the incident which serves as the catalyst for Massacre Up North. Scarred on the right side of his face, the youngster is bullied and eventually snaps. He kills his parents (whilst their in the middle of some bathtub bangin) and leaves his younger brother to find the bodies. Years pass, the young boy becomes a young man, murders a few people and them returns home from college (where he majored in medieval studies) and takes a job in his uncle’s hardware store. His brother becomes a forensic specialist and begins to aid the police on their hunt for a murderous madman.

He does look like someone who would major in medieval studies

The two detectives leading the case (they also listen to criminal psychology lectures on cassette) are at a loss as more bodies pile up and no leads are exposed. People have gone missing and are scarred goober gets off on torturing his unfortunate prisoners. He takes a shine to one of the girls he has kidnapped and begins treating her like his special lady friend. It’s all gonna come to some hard realizations and a jaw droppingly bad climax/siege set to some butt metal and with the killer finally sporting the armor we were teased with in the beginning of the film.

Minor in marksmanship

Mixed in between the lovable cheap FX and penile violence is some delicious awful acting. Cheap sets, cheap gore and cheap boobs help ease the surprisingly mean spirited low budget slasher. The great white north proves that their just as good at trash horror as the rest of the world. 7/10


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