Schlock du Jour: Alligator (1980)

directed by Lewis Teague
runtime: 91 heavenly mins
It’s 1980 and Robert “Fucking” Forster is a tough cop combating a grouchy gator and male pattern baldness. Robin “Yes Please” Riker plays a stunning young herpetologist with “a wonderful mind… and beautiful tits.” Can they stop a rather riotous reptile from ruining a wedding reception?
No, herpetologist is not a herpes doctor.
In October I had the pleasure of viewing ALLIGATOR in 35mm at the Alamo Drafthouse as part of their annual DISMEMBER THE ALAMO event. The complete bill was comprised of 4 mystery movies and they were unveiled as the night progressed as follows: Lifeforce. ALLIGATOR. Nightbreed. Critters. ALLIGATOR was easily the night’s highlight. The crowd was the most engaged, jumping and laughing where appropriate, and I mean, fuck. If it isn’t just a cool movie. Honestly, has there ever been a more slick slice of monster schlock than ALLIGATOR? I posit that there has not. ALLIGATOR oozes cool like a pizza-faced teen oozes whitehead pus.
Ramon’s evening stroll.
The sewer scenes were truly gripping and unsettling. Incredible use of space in the frame and the environment was used to the fullest. Complete with busted out walls and methane heavy tunnels, the sewers were the perfect haven for a mutated mega lizard. Every time one of the films many likable characters enters the sewers, you pray they make it out alive. Will Robert Forster learn to cope with his receding hairline? Will the grizzled old police chief keep talking? (please god yes).
“Alligator makes Jaws look like shit!”
This movie asks the question: Is there a cooler fucking creature feature? Answer: No. You want to be the main character and be with the love interest. It’s a rare thriller gem that cares about its characters, and it’s one we should all treasure.
Infamous wedding scene.  Sacre bleu!
Much of the credit here goes to writer John Sayles, who is also responsible for Piranha, but the movie is really escalated by the monster effects. If you’re looking for a fun evening, look no further than ALLIGATOR.
Stay slime, and be rad at all times!

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