The great thing about getting older is that the 90s are like the new 80s. I guess. That probably doesn’t make sense. But that’s kind of the point. When I write reviews for films like RepliGATOR, I try to write them in the same style that the film is made.
Anyways, RepliGATOR is a shitty, low-budget gem from 1996, starring 90s silicone vixen TJ Myers alongside the fat, horny guy who wrote the screenplay. Both are pictured below.
SPOILERS AHEAD. But, you’re not going to watch this movie for the story so don’t worry about it.
I should note that I watched this movie after waking up at 3am and then working all day in a meat room on the Saturday before Christmas. So, it’s entirely possible that any discrepancies mentioned below are purely a result of my own exhaustion. This could have been another Gone with the Wind, and its brilliance was just lost on me.
Introduction: The film starts out with 80s b-movie starlet Brinke Stevens -one of the two top billed stars- running a scientific test called SHIT (Sexual Hologram Interface Terminal) on some Army guy to make him think sexual thoughts and experience them via virtual reality. After seeing himself come home to his naked wife and another naked chick in their bed, and then seeing Brinke without her top, Brinke slaps and scolds him for having sexual thoughts. That’s the last we see of Brinke, and her briefly exposed bosom, until about twenty minutes later, when the film shows us the same exact scene once again, in its entirety.
Moving ahead, some Army Corporal or General shows up at the office of another scientist, played by the other top-billed actor – Gunnar Hansen. Gunnar does pop up again at the end of the movie, but has barely more screen time than Brinke. I took note of the fact that the Army guy was carrying a newspaper with a headline that read something about an invasion of transexuals. Much like Gunnar Hansen, this too pops up at the end of the movie, but leaves more questions than answers.
Meat of the story: There’s a laser that is supposed to teleport people from one place to another, but a glitch in the software changes the men into 90s-hot, horny women, and the women into 90s-hotter, hornier women, especially the mole-faced Dr. Hardy, played by TJ Myers, who turns into a lingerie-clad, moleless Dr. hardy, also played by Myers. But, should she or any other of the transformed orgasm, they turn into “alligators” with a thirst for blood. I used quotation marks because even though they are referred to as alligators in the dialogue, they’re actually dinosaurs, mostly T-Rexes and raptors. This made me think the movie should have been called Vaginasaur instead of Repligator, but that would sound too much like “Vagina Sore” so I can see why they went the alligator route. The fat guy who wrote the movie gropes women and gets groped in return, one guy turns into a gay zombie, people keep dying and reappearing, and the building blows up right after the main character/screenwriter has to turn all the hot chicks back into not-hot chicks and men, respectively. A bunch of fake titties pop out every here and there, and that really about it.
Denouement: The movie ends with the writer tracking down Dr. Hardy (ugly version), and transforming her back into the 90s-hot version, since he thinks he fixed the glitch so she won’t turn into an “alligator” and try to kill him. I guess they fuck, but as that appears to be about to happen, we cut to the Army Corporal guy returning to Gunnar Hansen’s science lab. Now Gunnar has a laser that turns guys into hot chicks too. The last thing we see is the Army boss’s newspaper fall to the floor with the same headline about an invasion of transexuals. I’m guessing the writer and producer of this vanity project didn’t know anything about transexuals.
Yeah, I have a lot of questions about this movie too.
Takeaway: I needed some fun, simple, raunchy entertainment and I got just that. What little plot there was made no sense at all. I laughed a lot and appreciated the nostalgia factor of the breast implants. It reminded me of my teen years when I could fap to Jenny McCarthy without thinking about the anti-vax movement. Ugh, the good ole’ days. Five out of five stars. Strongly recommended. The DVD is, as of the time of this post, readily available on Ebay and third-party sellers on Amazon. I scored my copy for 14 bucks. Worth it.
90s-hot (nyn-tees-hawt) – When a chick has an outdated hairdo and a high-waisted thong.