NSFW Schlock du Jour: Return to Return to Nuke ‘Em High AKA Volume 2 (2018)

FULL DISCLOSURE PART. WHEN THE TEXT TURNS GREEN, THE FULL DISCLOSURE IS OVER. THIS PART WILL BE LONG. FEEL FREE TO SKIP IF YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT FULL DISCLOSURES: I was a kickstarter backer for Return to Return to NukeEm High AKA Volume 2 (henceforth referred to by the super simple acronym of RtRtNeHAKAV2). So you may think my bias to be askew. I even shared screentime with Lloyd Kaufman, Sgt. Kabukiman, AND the Toxic Avenger himself.

Shared screentime! Totally counts!

If my bias were skewed in any way initially, that slant was corrected by my sourness concerning the film’s release. See, I pledged my support and money back in May of 2015, with the expectation of a January 2016 release… Well… Nearly three years later, backers were finally presented with a download link to view RtRtNeHAKAV2. This being after it did the festival circuit and was shown to all those fortunate enough to attend those events. And to put into perspective further, My Return to NukeEm High Volume 1 T-shirt is almost completely faded to nothing!

Why am I griping? Well, if my first chance at seeing this movie would be through a link, it made me wonder… why wouldn’t the backers get to receive what they paid for and were promised YEARS ago while this thing took its merry old time being shown at festivals? It’s frustrating and stupid, but, vitriol will only get me so far.

Backer dollars hard at work paying for these FX…

Okay! Now all aboard to Tromaville!


IN MEMORIAM: RtRtNeHAKAV2 is dedicated to the memories of  Troma regulars Joe Fleishaker and Lemmy Kilmister. Stan Lee died after editing or I’m sure he would have been included as well. When another Troma regular, Ron Jeremy, appears as God—I wondered why the big man couldn’t have taken him instead. Then I remembered God is imaginary and heaven is a lie and the only lord is chaos and we all die and rot away at random.

Let’s talk lesbian action!
Is this the greatest opening of all time?
Yes. Yes it is.

The movie kicks off at full veloctitty (seen above) and refuses to slow down. RtRtNeHAKAV2 is rife with all the 4th wall breaking and non-sequitur we’ve come to expect from a Troma feature. Yes, all of uncle Lloydie’s staples are here: Female nudity begets slime which flows into male nudity. Social commentary shakes miscreant hands with fart jokes, and mutants walk in tandem with teenage degenerates. To top it all off, Lloyd Kaufman himself does more acting in this thing than all of his other movies combined, and the movie doesn’t suffer because of it. On the contrary.

Tromaville Bill. I’d fuck him.
RtRtNeHAKAV2 picks up where part one left off. Tromorganic Foodstuffs and the glee club cretins (now joined by Zac Amico and his feisty little prince albert) are running roughshod, and lesbian protagonist couple Lauren and Chrissy (now with mutant duck child) have to take them down.
It’s sensory overload as only Lloyd Kaufman knows how to muster. It’s also Troma’s best feature.
“But what about Terror Firmer?” You cry.
I’m not just yanking your dangles! If Lloyd Kaufman died tomorrow, RtRtNeHAKAV2 will have served as the perfect cherry on top of an already legendary cult career. RtRtNeHAKAV2 takes all that Troma does, and places it in a saturated tsunami of asymmetrical balance.
Catherine Corcoran and Asta Paredes act their hearts out as our pair of leads, and bring a sense of credibility that is typically absent from Kaufman’s features (thanks to the philistines and snobs that run Hollywood and the even larger global awards scene, respectively).
The original Melvin Ferd/Junko can be seen in RtRtNeHAKAV2 masturbating with a mop! He then busts a nut in a monster’s eye! High art!
I aired my grievances, I gave you the cream. I don’t know what more to say! If you’re a fan of Lloyd Kaufman’s work, you’ll absolutely love it. If you aren’t, this probably won’t change your mind unless it finally all “clicks” with you.  I’m looking forward to the physical release so I can have a proper triple feature of Class of NukeEm High and the two Return to NukeEms. Then perhaps I will pop in the 90s “Subhumanoid” sequels for a little extracurricular fun.
RtRtNeHAKAV2 is perfect.
Happy New Year! Stay slime!

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