Schlock du Jour: The Suckling (1990)


The Suckling has been on my radar for some time, largely due to its provocative title. After beholding The Suckling, I’m of the opinion that it deserves more credit than it gets.

Surgery dreams within throat-slitting dreams lay the foundation for the weirdness that is to come. A teen’s whorehouse abortion tastes the sweet elixir that is toxic waste, and mutates into a monster that aborts man! While never stated outright, this was the intented metaphor without a doubt, as the whorehouse becomes encased in a membrane, preventing the trick-turners, twat testers, and troubled teens from escaping their new womb. The monster’s hands have transformed into coat-hanger claws to eviscerate the buns of this whorehouse oven.


I gotta say, of all the movies about being trapped in a whorehouse while a mutated, aborted fetus picks off the cast, The Suckling is top three at least. It seems to take a pro-life stance, though that can be debatable. What isn’t debatable is the amount of kicks I got from this scuzzalicious cheapie (49). Everything from the ADR, to the acting, to the second-act slog, screamed THIS WAS MADE FOR ME! 


I’m not sure why it’s called The Suckling, as I don’t recall anything being suckled—but look, I’ll keep this review brief because we all have places to be, right? You probably have resolutions to be at the gym, or you’re occupied trying to keep cancer sticks out of your mouth but they keep shooping in there. As of this writing, The Suckling is streaming on Amazon Prime, And you should probably check it out for yourself if you are unacquainted, and crave that slick grime on your cerebral cortex.
Stay slime, and be rad at all times!

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