Schlock du Jour: Invasion of the Blood Farmers (1972)

They planted the LIVING, and harvested the DEAD!

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Looking like it stepped out of 1985 rather than 1972 due to Severin’s beautiful blu-ray restoration is the drive-in grade feature, INVASION OF THE BLOOD FARMERS.

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We don’t wanna work on Maggie’s farm no more.

INVASION OF THE BLOOD FARMERS is one of those movies that’s shot in five minutes and only costs a few nickels. It’s squirming in an intangible cloud of eau de schlock. Flat acting, overdramatic acting, continuity blunders, a dragging second half, and an incoherent climax are just some of the characters that guide you through the movie’s 78 scrambled minutes.

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This here is an invasion, I reckon.

The cult of the Sangre Druids need to resurrect their Sangroid queen, and for that, they need blood. They obtain this precious life nectar by farming it in a manner that would make Old McDonald scream E-I-E-I-FUCK-NO! They kidnap folks such as awkward newlyweds, chain them up, and drain them with a hose.

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“Boy, we sure do love our blood, don’t we? I sure hope nothing bad ever happens to it.”

There are many other idiosyncrasies that take place here. An old scientist is making pink blood that won’t stop expanding. It’s the pinkest blood I’ve ever seen. A pooch is murdered. Another pooch is adopted. One of the evil farmers attacks a naked man with a baton thingy. Black-hooded druids get burned to death in the wooded hills of upstate New York. And after all of that, the movie just kinda ends. This is like Farming Simulator at its finest!

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M!ssundaztood

While INVASION OF THE BLOOD FARMERS suffers from the occasional lull, it mostly dazzles with misplaced sanguineous aplomb. That’s snob speak for “it’s goodbad”.  If you’re reading this, then the odds are that INVASION is up your alley. Throw it on after BLOOD FEAST to wash away a bit of that grime, or follow it up with SHRIEK OF THE MUTILATED for a double whammy of Ed Adlum. Live a little! Enjoy things! Be amused! That’s your prerogative!

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My prerogative!
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Wanna see my baton?

INVASION OF THE BLOOD FARMERS receives a rating of…

6.5/10 (Gasp! I’ve never used a decimal before!)

Stay slime, and be rad at all times!

-Rat

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