Schlock du Jour: Cannibal Cult (1999)

Coming in hot with the overt EVIL DEAD influences is the SOV regional horror flick, CANNIBAL CULT.

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After the misconceived multi-colored, multi-font title credits and one big ugly screen wipe, the story begins.

Camp Ford, 1950

A camp director plays with demonic forces and kills his co-worker/wife with a machete. He then snaps his daughter’s neck and throws his son into the distance to be eaten by the recently summoned cannibals. I know who is getting a write-in on the 1950 Dad of the year award ballot.

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Tiny lightning means it’s working.

Now that our minimal backstory has been laid, we can teleport to the present.

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This flock of JNCOs can only mean one thing: It’s the present of 1999.

Some horndoggin’ teens plan a little campout. They split up to boink in the woods. There’s murder in some of the usual ways, including a drill to the dome, as the cannibals capture their snacks.

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Ah yes, the choice cut: precious lower back meat?

Eventually, one of the teens relays the legend of the murders of 1950, which happened right where they decided to camp. This revelation leads to the best line in this thing:

“My plans for the weekend didn’t include being eaten alive, fuckin’ crack-ho beeotch!”

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Guys! I found a glory hole and I think I see Limp Bizkit!

The score is decent. I’m not sure whether or not it’s lifted from something else.  In one scene we are randomly subjected to silly Hanna-Barbera style sound effects, which did not at all fit in with the rest of the flick. Then again, it’s blatantly obvious from the get go that this is an amateur project, so some unevenness is to be expected. It’s just that I almost split in two at the juxtaposition of Über-wide leg jeans and Huckleberry Hound sounds.

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I’m a Snagglepuss gal.

I don’t know this brief movie’s backstory, but it feels like a feature-length with all of the fat trimmed out, and the good ‘n’ gory bits left in. That’s not a bad thing, on the contrary. director Blake Fitzpatrick’s decision to keep this one a shorty was a kickflip in the name of Christ.

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Fun fact: No less than 800 cans of Mountain Dew were consumed on the set of CANNIBAL CULT (I imagine), and Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater high scores were set that still stand to this day (most likely).

I got this goodie from Toxic Filth Video where I obtain many of my trashy delights. Give’m a visit.

CANNIBAL CULT wasn’t a waste of time and receives a down the middle rating of—

5/10
Stay slime, and be rad at all times!
-Rat

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