Schlock du Jour: The Killer Eye (1999)

Sometimes…fun is better.


A scientist conducts an experiment on a male hooker in his lab. He gets into an argument with his slutty wife who just wants attention. While this is happening, the experiment goes awry and the hooker loses an eye. Not only that but a portal was opened to the 8th dimension. Now the eye is a giant, killer eye that likes to please women with massages and more using its herculean optic nerve. Green electricity shoots back and forth across the pupil that it uses to…like… hypnotize people and stuff? It’s fun!

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pew pew!

THE KILLER EYE is ton of fun. And that is to be expected from Full Moon Features. But here there is fun—and nothing more. There are no genius ideas, there is no good acting (one character just does a Beetlejuice impression the whole time), and there are no real scares. What THE KILLER EYE does have is stupid jokes, a big eyeball, that hokey Full Moon music, and exposed breasts. 100% of the women in this movie get naked.

I’m an object

This whole movie seems to be taking place in an apartment building where every resident has an open door policy. From the scientists lab downstairs, to the young employee working there that just wants to take his girlfriend on a date, to the strange Beetlejuice man living in the attic, to the ‘roided out friends who get faded on a plate full of pills and bone the scientists wife.

Surprisingly, this is the first DeCoteau joint I’ve reviewed. David DeCoteau directs here as Richard Chasen. And this seems as good a time as any to bring up the absurd amount of pseudonyms used by this freak of nature. IMDb lists 23 different names. Among them are Julian Breen, Wilma Rubble, Dave McCabe, and H.L. Smokum. It’s like he took an AKA-47 and sprayed a book of baby names.

smug bastard

And while I’m on the subject of DeCoteau, I might as well inundate the unacquainted. See, DeCoatRack directs strictly for a paycheck. He is entirely uninterested in artistic integrity of any kind. He is as likely to direct Hallmark style Christmas movies as he is cheap horror, kids animal movies, and gay porn. From Puppet Master III to A TALKING CAT!?! to RUNAWAY CHRISTMAS BRIDE. DeCockatiel is as mixed a bag as they come.

THE KILLER EYE entertains if you can vibe with it. Something about those Full Moon music scores and that stinky Monterey Jack aura allows any mindless drivel to prickle my cortex. If you don’t already know how you feel about these Charles Band Presents movies, you will within two minutes of flipping one on. That’s all I got for THE KILLER EYE!

5/10

Special thanks to Jon Lithograph.

Stay slime, and be rad at all times!

-Rat


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