Schlock du Jour: Taeter City (2012)

directed by Giulio De Santi
runtime: 82 mins

Necessity is the mother of invention. Daenerys Targaryen is the mother of dragons. Judy Garland is the mother of Liza Minnelli.

Okay so I can’t figure out how to begin this review. They say if you just start typing that eventually everything will work itself out. Taeter City is kinda like that? Well it isn’t, but if you keep watching its goofy ass, eventually it will end, so that’s something.

Let me start over. How about this…

Taeter City is a scrumptious vegan’s delight. Eating animals is punishable by death! What’s that you say? Eating criminals is encouraged? All I have to do is drive up to my nearest Taeter Burger and order a buttcheek sandwich with blended cartilage sauce?


Yup! To pacify the masses, The “Authority” as the government is called in this futuristic “utopia” has implemented The Zeed System. The Zeed System emits radio waves and turns the criminal instinct into a suicidal one. It is then up to biker officers with names like Razor and Wank to collect the criminal meat and deliver it to Taeter Burger, the fast food place that serves criminals on a bun (with a side of green-screen).

Not my Authority!


Dystopian Max Headroom.

The plot isn’t essential to Taeter City, as it’s as thin as a meth-addicted anorexic ferret to begin with. It’s that red stuff that’s the story here. TC positively pummels you with bucket upon bucket of digi-gore. The end result is something that feels both cheap and overwhelming. It’s a digital assault on the senses that never stops to apologize for its jackhammer pump and dump pace. Eyes pop from heads as they are squeezed into oblivion and shattered. Blood pours like raging rapids from both bodies and heads that are split clean in half. Skulls explode with reckless abandon. Animated commercials for Blood Power Drink and Taeter Burger, as well as other bits of programmed propaganda interrupt your train of thought. It’s just the nature of things in Taeter City. This is blood-soaked ADHD filmmaking on a budget.

Could use some Advil.
A Trip to the Moon, anyone?


Taeter City is basically Necrostorm’s version of Idiocracy by way of Manborg. Substitute the nut-shots for cranial recalibration by a biker officer named Gunt or Chode and it’s basically the same thing. I honestly prefer TC because there’s no insufferable Luke Wilson to deal with.


Stay slime, and be rad at all times!

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