The Merits of Sin: Flight to Hell (2003) (Italy)

I don’t want to believe that this was a labor of love from Alvaro Passeri but I’m at a loss to see where he thought there was any profit to be made in this film. It was three years before Snakes on a Plane would be a surprise box office hit and outside of the obvious Alien franchise love, some head nods to The Thing and creatures that come off as a somehow less believable version of those flesh eating “turd-ants” from the Canadian zero budget masterpiece Things I’m just scratching my head at how this was anything but a project born of love. But this is not love as we know it. This is a love corrupted to the point of rot. This kind of love does not inspire poetry or song, it inspires a trip to the clinic to get some bloodwork done.

Please don’t be love! Please don’t be love! Please don’t be love!

Captain Don wakes from a horrible nightmare and realizes he is running late for his flight. He rushes through his routine and heads to work. He captains the Roulette One. It’s a private flying casino owned by a dude named Mike who has everything rigged to swindle rich high stakes gamblers who prefer to lose their cash in the sky unlike all us other poor schmucks who go broke on solid ground. The rest of the crew consists of two technicians (who work as game riggers/handymen), an irresponsible co-pilot, and two stewardesses and all of them are in on Mike’s scheme. The clientele for this trip is two rich dudes and their trophy girls. Every one of them is going to come to regret getting on this flight.

Prognosis negative

While the usual hijinks of the horny crew play out, something odd is happening in outer space. There’s been some kind of hatching and the plane is on course to fly through a strange neon green fog filled with spores. The spores make their way into the plane and in almost no time there is a green goo over all the important things that keep the Roulette One operational. Mechanical malfunctions begin to cause problems but the worst has yet to show its ugly face.

No…. even worse

Seems the green slime is full of eggs and these eggs are ready to hatch. The shit really hits the fan when the plane becomes infested with computer generated little lizard-bug things that can morph through solid objects, turn invisible and infect humans. One technician is unfortunate enough to get one up his nose and eventually bursting out of his eye! The leaping little bastards aren’t the only threat either, there’s also a big puppet thing residing in the cargo bay and munching on anyone unfortunate enough to cross its path.

Air Italia

Yeah, there’s quite a bit going down in this stinky piece of Italian cheese but if you have no sense of humor ya best just look away. I’d say almost eighty percent of the set is green screen and it never comes close to looking believable. We get “lucky” with some digitally rendered special effects but most of the stuff is brought to life with piss poor cgi. The acting is awful all across the board (it was performed in English [maybe with some hope of international sales] so all the dialogue sounds a bit off) and none of the gore really hits thanks to crappy sfx. If you’re in the right state of mind you may just have a blast with it but there’s very little to recommend if you’re hunting down some serious horror shenanigans. It’s complete crap but the disturbing idea that it was a passion project makes it easier to swallow. 6/10

But ya probably shouldn’t swallow

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