Schlock du Jour: Naughty Dirty Nasty (2014)

Do you have qualms with sexy babes playing in a cemetery, sexual acts, or vhs fetishism? How about bootlicking, lesbian vampires, and pervy sex demons with 18 inch ding-dongs? If you answered yes to one or more of these things, you’d be better off avoiding NAUGHTY DIRTY NASTY, as it’s a medley of the same. For those of you who actually like rad shit, read on, because NAUGHTY DIRTY NASTY is GNARLY KICKBUTT NIFTY.

Did he seriously just say “nifty?”

Maybe the back of the DVD packaging lends some insight as to what NAUGHTY DIRTY NASTY is about. I didn’t have that resource, so the only expectation I had for the film was what I could deduce from the adjectives that make up its title. As you can surmise, this scumfuck was not let down. I used the word medley in the last paragraph, and it was as intentional as the conspired murder of that shitface cumstain Jeffrey Epstein. NDN is essentially a mixtape of entrancing sequences of Krystal “Pixie” Adams dancing around in the buff with her girlfriends. It’s ORGY OF THE DEAD for a new generation of scuzzlords.

These boots were made for–
–What was I saying?

The smartly edited, nearly dialogue-free scenes are filled with dreamlike atmospheres. It’s like looking into a snowglobe of the free spirited days of a young woman and her friends, or alternately the nymphomaniacal dreams of a snakebitten sexpot. Throw NDN on while cleaning or play it in the background during game night, and if all you catch is the music and occasional tit, you won’t be disappointed.

Speaking of occasional tit, one scene in particular resonated with me. A couple fly honeys roll around in bed licking unspooled VHS tapes. The segment contains some of those beloved tv scramble moments. You know the ones… My friends and I would tune in to channel 95 after school in sixth grade and train our eyes through the scramble until we were blessed by a nipple, or, even rarer still, A WHOLE TIT.

I’m into tape-play.

NAUGTHY is an exciting piece of softcore DIY filmmaking that is surprisingly pretty tasteful for something released by a distro called The Sleaze Box and directed by Chris Woods (he of AMERIKAN HOLOKAUST notoriety). There’s no peepee, poopooshit, or rape! Just a blissful jaunt through mammary land and a little bit of eating body parts while bathing. It’s the perfect Sleaze Box appetizer, offering just enough to whet the appetite. Easy viewing with high rewatchability, NAUGHTY DIRTY NASTY might not be for everyone, but it’s for me.


-Elliot “Rat” Ross

Bobbing for Glaziers.

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