Directed by: Vick Campbellruntime: just a lil over 2 hrs. I have vague memories of channel-surfing during the more dreary mornings of the summers of my youth. It was on one such occasion that I would happen upon the Spanish channel, and see a soap opera resplendent with occult themes and imagery. The episode was … More Review: Black Roses Symphony (2019)
Directed by: Gerald Cormierruntime: 87 mins I believe it was the legendary Irish sportsman Shaquille O’Neal who famously said “necessity is the mother of invention.’ Well in 1990 a man named Gerald Cormier found it absolutely necessary for this world to have a movie where Frankenstein’s monster rips exploding farts. But if you asked me … More Review: Franky and His Pals (1990)
Directed by: David R. Williams, Tilke Hillruntime: 83 mins The struggles of being a creative… Not creating takes so much out of us. Sometimes the stars just aren’t aligned for our visions to come to fruition. That can lead to various forms of depression, and some visceral trips to dark places. But creating isn’t always … More Review: Rust Belt Driller (2022)
Directed by: Matt Jaissleruntime: 72 mins. I know I’ve been inactive for awhile. I had to go away. During that time I’ve learned and grown. Yeah, it’s true! And I’ve watched such awe-inspiring features as TITANIC 666 and SORORITY SLAUGHTER. Yet I realize I haven’t been here to provide you the chuckles and yuks you’ve … More Review: The Necro Files (1997)
directed by: Herb Robinsruntime: 90 mins THE WORM EATERS is a funeral dirge played entirely on kazoo. My disappointment with this movie is boundless. In my endless naivete, I assumed that a movie called “THE WORM EATERS”, wherein worms are eaten, and people subsequently turn into gigantic worms, would be right up my alley. Boys … More Schlock du Jour: The Worm Eaters (1977)
directed by: Michael Keeneruntime: 99 mins I think we can all agree that 2020 has been a heap of shit-matted fur on a rat’s diseased asshole. Not only are thousands of people needlessly dying, but one of our primary means of escaping reality has been quelled. I’m talking of course about going to the cinema. … More Schlock du Jour: The Head (2019)
Directed by Donald G. Jackson (Rollergator) “Written” by Scott Shaw. This introductory paragraph may be an intro to the intro but I don’t care right now. Firstly, this is not the 1999 film Ride with the Devil by Ang Lee. No, far from it. Second, if I sound a little cranky throughout this review, it’s … More Schlock du Jour: Ride with the Devil (1999)
“We’re gonna get the sun drunk. We’re gonna get the sun drunk.” You’ve seen him as a strapping young ladykiller. You’ve seen him as a gruesome old count. Now see him as *checks notes* a band manager? Yes Dracula’s bloodsucking days are behind him, but what’s to stop him from robbing graves to build a … More Schlock du Jour: Dracula of Exarcheia (1983)
directed by Ron Bonkruntime: 91 mins The year is 1997. The Spice girls are ruling the airwaves. The SPACE JAM soundtrack is monumental. My parents just split up. I spent the bulk of the year as a naïve 9 year old in my Go Eat Worms hat, looking at dirty magazines with my cousin under … More Schlock du Jour: The Vicious Sweet (1997)
“Why would he come after us? We haven’t done anything wrong.”“He’ll think of a reason, cops love to hassle people.” Call me Mr. On-the-Nose, because I’m topical like ointment, baby! Police are beating the shit out of everyone in real life, because the majority are racist, butt-picking, trigger-happy, Call of Duty playing asshole bullies. It … More Schlock du Jour: Psycho Cop (1989)
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