“Look, a horse.” “No, that’s a unicorn.” “What’s the difference?” “Horn coming out of its head.” ~Actual dialog from CarousHell In Steve Rudzinski’s Murdercorn movie a carousel unicorn breaks free from its ride prison (due to a “blood-borne pathogen” (a plotline that was ditched pretty early on because second drafts are bullshit amIrigh?) and- more … More [Off-Putting Ride Metaphor] CarousHELL (2016)
directed by Chris Moore WildEye Releasing I don’t have a story to kick this off. I don’t have a hot take or an old experience to reminisce on; I don’t have a preamble of history and/or trivia. What I have is this: BLESSED ARE THE CHILDREN is a flick you might’ve missed, and you should … More Schlock du Jour: Blessed are the Children (2016)
I used to be an avid churchgoer, back when I was “born-again.” The years of 2004-2011 consisted of me being holier than thou as I strutted around the youth group or the college group with earrings in my ears like the bad boy of the Evangelicals. It kept me out of trouble, but it made … More Schlock du Jour: The VelociPastor (2018)
In a world overrun with Annabelles, where a Raggedy Ann doll can be twisted into nightmare fuel, we will persevere—that is, as long as we keep watching movies like DOLL FACTORY to cleanse our palates of the mainstream evil doll fare. DOLL FACTORY brings back the evil doll spirit that was alive in movies such … More Schlock du Jour: Doll Factory (2014)
I’ve been off the grid for a little while thanks to a cocktail of rampant migraines and neverending car troubles. Just call me Tetsuo: The Engine Man until further notice. I also published my first book of poetry called MYSTICS & VIXENS which I will plug now: I have watched many films during my sabbatical, … More Schlock du Jour: Sadistic Eroticism (2012)
“Thats the thing about almost dying Emily. It’s a real buzzkill.” Shark week is upon us once again! For many of us, shark week isn’t just something that happens annually on Discovery, as we are out here living our best shark lives—but the majority of the population get their fill from the outlined portion comprising … More Schlock du Jour: Shark Exorcist (2016)
directed by Troy Escamilla runtime: 86 mins “A Creature is Stirring” Well slap my ass and call me Santa! A Creature is stirring? How’s that for a tagline? Good huh? It’s freaking great…except that no where in this movie is there a creature. The original title for this film was “Stirring,” but no creature is … More Schlock du Jour: Mrs. Claus (2018)
It’s that time again! I have culminated from my miscellaneous notes an all new edition of Haiku Reviews, that will hopefully make up for my recent neglect. Included in this entry are: Day of the Reaper Devotion All Strippers Must die American Guinea Pig: Sacrifice Devil’s Weekend Spoiler, I only really loved one of them. … More Schlock du Jour: Haiku Reviews Vol. 4
directed by Dave Jackson runtime: 101 mins Are you a dog person or a cat person? There has never really been a moment in my life that I didn’t at least live with a cat. When I was born, my parents already had a half-persian named Yo-Yo. I moved in with my cousins and they … More Schlock & Gore: Cat Sick Blues (2016)
The Sewer System is my new video review series where I review screeners I’ve received. In this inaugural episode I review Arrow Video’s THE ADDICTION and DOOM ASYLUM. I also review Wild Eye Releasing’s SWAMPHEAD. There is a good chance that Doom Asylum and Swamphead could receive written reviews in the future, but without further ado – Watch The … More The Sewer System Episode 1
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